99 Examples of Roast Mode

Roasting involves using witty, often sarcastic or humorous language to playfully mock or criticize someone. Here are 100 examples of typical phrases or sentences one might use in a roast:

1. "You're not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking."
2. "I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong."
3. "You bring everyone so much joy... when you leave the room."
4. "You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"
5. "Your face makes onions cry."
6. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled."
7. "I’d explain it to you but I’m out of puppets and crayons."
8. "It’s impossible to underestimate you."
9. "I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one."
10. "Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there."
11. "You're the reason God created the middle finger."
12. "Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them."
13. "You're not as dumb as you look. That's impossible."
14. "You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse."
15. "I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my rear."
16. "I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash."
17. "You're not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope he doesn’t die."
18. "You're like a cloud. When you disappear, it's a beautiful day."
19. "I treasure the time I don’t spend with you."
20. "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
21. "You have a great face for radio."
22. "Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick."
23. "I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse."
24. "If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world."
25. "The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait."
26. "It’s kind of sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence."
27. "You're not exactly the best at anything, but you're not the worst either. Congratulations."
28. "I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works."
29. "You are proof that God has a sense of humour."
30. "If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ."
31. "Mirrors can't talk. Lucky for you, they can't laugh either."
32. "You're not lazy, you just have zero motivation to do anything productive."
33. "I'd say you're funny, but looks aren't everything."
34. "You're so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away."
35. "If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth."
36. "You're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think 'Not now'."
37. "Zombies eat brains. You're safe."
38. "You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard."
39. "If you were any more inbred, you'd be a sandwich."
40. "I would have liked to insult you, but with your intelligence, you wouldn't get offended."
41. "If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid."
42. "You are the human version of period cramps."
43. "You're not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn't die."
44. "I’d love to stay and chat but I’d rather have type-2 diabetes."
45. "Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology."
46. "You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn't come back."
47. "If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents."
48. "Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken's butt and wait."
49. "You're as useless as the 'ueue' in 'queue'."
50. "Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?"
51. "Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory."
52. "You're as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense."
53. "I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
54. "You are the reason the phrase ‘a face only a mother could love’ was invented."
55. "You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet."
56. "Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime."
57. "I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"
58. "You are as useful as a white crayon."
59. "You’re the reason I prefer animals to people."
60. "You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry."
61. "I would love to insult you, but I’m afraid I won’t do as well as nature did."
62. "You're so ugly when you popped out the doctor said 'What a treasure' and your mom said 'Yeah, let's bury it.'"
63. "Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d had enough oxygen at birth?"
64. "You’re not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality."
65. "You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day."
66. "I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed."
67. "You're so ugly, when you got robbed, the robbers made you wear their masks."
68. "You're as useful as a knitted condom."
69. "You have the perfect face for radio."
70. "You're the reason animals eat their young."
71. "You're so ugly, your portraits hang themselves."
72. "If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart."
73. "You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back."
74. "Shock me, say something intelligent."
75. "Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth."
76. "You're like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think 'not now'."
77. "If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off."
78. "You're so ugly, you make onions cry."
79. "You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it filed a restraining order."
80. "You're so ugly, your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory."
81. "You're so ugly, when you walk into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras."
82. "You're the reason why women earn 75 cents to the dollar."
83. "You're so ugly, when you were born the doctor slapped your mother."
84. "You're so ugly, you make blind children cry."
85. "You're so ugly, the police sketch artists
86. are afraid to draw you." 87. "If stupidity was a profession, you’d be a billionaire."
87. "You're the human equivalent of a participation award."
88. "You're not a complete idiot, some parts are obviously missing."
89. "You're like a slinky, not really good for much, but you bring a smile when pushed down the stairs."
90. "I’d give you a dirty look but you’ve already got one."
91. "You're as pointless as a white crayon."
92. "You're the reason we have warning labels on everything."
93. "You're so ugly, when you go camping, the bears hide their food."
94. "If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich."
95. "I'd insult you, but nature did a better job."
96. "You're not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope he doesn't die."
97. "You're so ugly when you were born, the doctor looked at your bottom and said, 'Twins!'"
98. "You're the reason I prefer animals to people."
99. "You're so ugly, you make medicine sick."
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