My Theory of Speak What You Want

The Speak What You Want Theory posits that effective and genuine communication is achieved when individuals consciously select words to express their true intent, desires, and feelings. Individuals can avoid misunderstandings, ensure clarity, and deliberately enhance personal and professional relationships by choosing words.

Principles of Speak What You Want Theory:

1. Authentic Expression: Genuine communication comes from a place of authenticity. Speak words that resonate with your feelings, beliefs, and thoughts.
2. Clarity Over Conformity: Prioritize clarity of message over societal norms or jargon. The true intent of the message is paramount.
3. Active Listening: Conscious word choice is not just about speaking; it's also about actively listening to others, thereby reciprocating the same level of respect and understanding.
4. Responsibility of Interpretation: Recognize that while you can choose your words, you can't always control interpretation. But, by being conscious of word choice, the chance of misinterpretation is minimized.
5. Continuous Reflection: Regularly reflect upon and evaluate your communication habits. Adjust and realign as necessary.

Individuals who practice conscious word choice will experience fewer misunderstandings, enhanced relationship quality, and increased personal satisfaction in communication compared to those who don't.

ILLUSTRATION: IMAGINE TWO COLLEAGUES: LATHA AND MRUNAL

Latha adopts the Speak WHAT You Want Theory for a month. Instead of saying, "I guess we could try that approach," which is vague and non-committal, she says, "I believe that approach has potential, and I support testing it out." On the other hand, Mrunal sticks to his usual communication style, often using non-specific language.

At the end of the month, Latha feels more satisfied with her interactions. Her team knows clearly where she stands, and she's avoided several misunderstandings. Mrunal, however, frequently clarifies his stance, and a few of his colleagues mention they're often unsure of his opinions on matters.

This illustration demonstrates how the conscious choice of words can lead to more effective communication, fewer misunderstandings, and increased personal satisfaction.

In conclusion, the Speak WHAT You Want Theory emphasizes the power of conscious word choice in communication, leading to clarity, genuine interactions, and improved relationships. Individuals can better express their true intent and desire through deliberate selection and reflection on words, bridging gaps in understanding and fostering deeper connections.

Points to Ponder on Speak WHAT You Want Theory

"Speak what you want" is a directive that urges individuals to express their desires, thoughts, and feelings directly and unambiguously. When analysed in the light of the Theory of Conscious Word Choice (Speak WHAT You Want Theory), this statement takes on a multi-dimensional significance:

1. Authentic Expression:
• "Speak what you want" aligns directly with the principle of Authentic Expression from the Speak WHAT You Want Theory. It underscores the importance of verbalizing genuine feelings, beliefs, and thoughts. To speak what you truly desire or feel is to be authentic in communication.
2. Clarity Over Conformity:
• Societal norms, expectations, or professional jargon can cloud genuine expression. "Speak what you want" is a reminder to prioritize clear, direct communication over adhering to norms or using ambiguous language. It's about putting the true intent of the message at the forefront.
3. Active Listening:
• While "Speak what you want" is an exhortation for clear speech, it also indirectly emphasizes the value of listening. When one person practices conscious word choice and speaks their desires clearly, it sets a tone and expectation for others to do the same, fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding.
4. Responsibility of Interpretation:
• "Speak what you want" also touches upon the principle that while you can choose words, interpretation isn't always within control. However, articulating precisely what you desire or feel minimises the scope for misinterpretation. It's about taking responsibility for making your message as clear as possible.
5. Continuous Reflection:
• This statement prompts regular introspection. By consistently asking oneself, "Am I truly speaking what I want?" individuals are encouraged to continuously reflect on their communication habits and realign them with genuine thoughts and desires.

Core tenets of Speak WHAT You Want Theory

The Speak WHAT You Want Theory emphasizes the importance of deliberate and genuine word selection in communication to effectively convey the speaker's true intent, desires, and feelings. Here are the core tenets of the Speak WHAT You Want Theory:

1. Authentic Expression:
• Genuine communication emerges from a place of truth and sincerity. Individuals should speak words that genuinely resonate with their feelings, beliefs, and thoughts. This ensures that their external verbal communication aligns with their internal states.
2. Clarity Over Conformity:
• The primary objective of communication should be to convey the message clearly, even if it means deviating from societal norms, jargon, or conventional expressions. It's crucial to prioritize the essence of the message over the form.
3. Active Listening:
• Conscious word choice isn't solely about speaking; it's equally about listening. Engaging in active listening reciprocates the respect and understanding of thoughtful speech, facilitating a two-way stream of effective communication.
4. Responsibility of Interpretation:
• While individuals can consciously select their words, they can't always dictate how the listener interprets them. Nevertheless, the chances of misinterpretation can be reduced by opting for conscious word choices. The speaker should aim to make their message as transparent and unambiguous as possible.
5. Continuous Reflection:
• It's essential to evaluate and introspect one's communication habits routinely. This self-assessment ensures that individuals remain aligned with the principles of conscious word choice and adjust their communication strategies as needed.

These core tenets of the Speak WHAT You Want Theory serve as guiding principles for those aiming to enhance their communication quality, sincerity, and efficacy in both personal and professional spheres. By adhering to these principles, individuals can pave the way for more genuine interactions, foster deeper understanding, and reduce misunderstandings.

Research Support

People often find themselves saying things they don't genuinely want or believe, despite knowing the value of speaking their minds. There are several psychological and social reasons for this behaviour:

1. Social Conformity and Peer Pressure:
• Research: Asch's (1951) conformity experiments demonstrated that individuals often conform to the group's opinion, even when it contradicts their beliefs or perceptions.
• Illustration: Everyone seems to agree on a particular strategy during a team meeting. John internally disagrees, but, not wanting to stand out or face potential dissent, he voices agreement.
2. Fear of Rejection or Judgment:
• Research: Baumeister and Leary (1995) posited that humans have an innate need to belong, which can sometimes outweigh the need to express genuine feelings or opinions.
• Illustration: Jane thinks a popular movie is overrated. However, when among friends who rave about it, she remains silent or even offers mild praise.
3. Low Self-esteem or Lack of Confidence:
• Research: Orth, Robins, and Roberts (2008) found that low self-esteem is associated with greater sensitivity to negative evaluation and social rejection.
• Illustration: Alex doesn't believe he's good at public speaking. He declines when asked to present at a conference, stating he's too busy, even though he has the time.
4. Desire to Avoid Conflict:
• Research: Tjosvold and Sun (2002) explored that some individuals prioritize harmony over personal expression, suppressing genuine opinions.
• Illustration: Mia disagrees with her partner's choice of vacation spot but agrees to avoid potential arguments.
5. Cultural or Familial Conditioning:
• Research: Markus and Kitayama (1991) discussed the difference between collectivist cultures (emphasizing group harmony) and individualistic cultures (emphasizing personal expression).
• Illustration: In a collectivist culture, a child might pursue a medical career because their parents wish it, despite their passion for the arts.

Here's a table showcasing different situations with corresponding statements illustrating "speak what you want" and "speak what you do not want":

 

Situation	Speak What You Want	Speak What You Do Not Want
1. A friend suggests a movie you dislike.	"I'm not a big fan of that movie. How about this one?"	"Sure, that sounds great."
2. You’re served the wrong dish at a restaurant.	"Excuse me, this isn't what I ordered."	"Oh, this is fine. I’ll eat this."
3. A colleague suggests a strategy you disagree with.	"I believe there might be a better approach."	"Sounds good to me."
4. Someone offers you food you’re allergic to.	"I appreciate the offer, but I'm allergic."	"Maybe later, thank you."
5. You’re unprepared for a presentation.	"I need more time to prepare for a comprehensive presentation."	"I guess I can wing it."
6. A friend asks to borrow money.	"I’m sorry, I can’t lend money right now."	"I wish I could help, but I’m broke too."
7. You're overwhelmed with work.	"I need assistance with these tasks."	"I'll manage somehow."
8. You don't understand a topic in class.	"Can you explain that again?"	"I think I kind of get it."
9. Someone makes a joke you find offensive.	"I find that joke inappropriate."	"Haha, that's a good one."
10. A friend invites you for a night out, but you're tired.	"I need some rest tonight, but thanks for the offer."	"Sure, I wouldn't miss it."
11. A dress doesn’t fit at the store.	"This size isn’t right for me. Do you have another?"	"It's a bit snug, but I think it's okay."
12. You disagree with a friend's opinion.	"I see it differently. Here's my perspective."	"Yeah, you're probably right."
13. You don’t want to attend a party.	"Thank you, but I won’t be able to make it."	"I’ll try my best to come."
14. A co-worker asks if you like their idea.	"I think there are areas for improvement."	"It's a unique idea!"
15. Your partner asks if you’re upset.	"Yes, I am. Let’s talk about it."	"I'm fine; it's nothing."

This table highlights the disparity between being direct and genuine in expressing oneself versus conforming or avoiding conflict in various situations.

So, Finally, Final ADVICE!

Speak What You Want! 

 

Bibliography:

• Asch, S. E. (1951). Effects of group pressure on the modification and distortion of judgments. Groups, leadership and men; research in human relations.
• Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological bulletin, 117(3), 497-529.
• Orth, U., Robins, R. W., & Roberts, B. W. (2008). Low self-esteem prospectively predicts depression in adolescence and young adulthood. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(3), 695-708.
• Tjosvold, D., & Sun, H. (2002). Understanding conflict avoidance: Relationship, motivations, actions, and consequences. International Journal of Conflict Management.
• Markus, H. R., & Kitayama, S. (1991). Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion, and motivation. Psychological Review, 98(2), 224-253.