Congruent vs. Incongruent Body Language- Be Aware & Beware of IT!

Have you ever felt like a person's words didn't match what they were doing? This feeling is the difference between nonverbal signals that match and signals that don't match. Understanding these can give you a deeper understanding of how to communicate and help you build better relationships with other people.

Body Language That Makes Sense (Congruent):  When a person's words and nonverbal cues go together well, this is called consistent body language. For example, someone says, "I'm so happy for you!" with a sincere smile and open, welcoming body language. Congruent signs make it easier to trust and understand each other.

Body Language That Doesn't Match (Incongruent):  Conversely, incongruent body language happens when nonverbal cues and vocal messages don't match up. Imagine someone saying, "I'm fine", with their mouth turned down, shoulders slouched, and eyes closed. This difference can confuse and make the viewer wonder if the speaker is telling the truth.

What's the point? Emotional intelligence is improved when we are aware of these little things. When you see something that doesn't make sense, it can be a sign to dig deeper, which can help you communicate better. In the same way, when our words and body language match, it makes it easier for people to trust and understand us.

Remember that our bodies speak a quiet but important language, often based on spoken and written words. If we take a moment to "listen," it tells us a lot.

Let's Explore in terms of Body Language.

Congruent Body Language refers to non-verbal cues that align with verbal communication. When someone's words and body language match, they are seen as authentic, credible, and trustworthy.

Incongruent Body Language: This is when non-verbal cues contradict the verbal message. Incongruence can lead to confusion, mistrust, and misunderstanding as the receiver struggles to interpret the mixed signals.

Examples in Various Fields:

1. Business:
• Congruent: During a meeting, a manager states that she believes in her team's capabilities while maintaining eye contact, nodding, and having an open posture.
• Incongruent: The same manager says she believes in the team but avoids eye contact, has a closed posture, or frequently checks her watch.
2. Education:
• Congruent: A teacher praises a student for good work while smiling and giving a thumbs-up.
• Incongruent: The teacher praises the student but rolls her eyes or is sarcastic.
3. Healthcare:
• Congruent: A doctor tells a patient nothing to worry about, using a calm tone, steady eye contact, and a reassuring touch on the shoulder.
• Incongruent: The doctor says everything's fine but avoids eye contact, speaks hastily, or has a shaky voice.
4. Relationships:
• Congruent: A partner says they're happy in the relationship while cuddling, making eye contact, and smiling.
• Incongruent: The partner claims to be happy but avoids physical contact, doesn’t maintain eye contact, and has a distant demeanour.

Importance of Congruent Body Language:

1. Clear Communication: Congruent body language ensures the message is clear and reduces the risk of misunderstandings.
2. Building Trust: Consistency between verbal and non-verbal cues builds trust and credibility. Incongruence can erode trust, as people often trust body language more than words.
3. Emotional Intelligence: Recognizing and understanding body language (both our own and others) is a sign of high emotional intelligence. It allows for better interpersonal relationships and more effective communication.

Side-Effects of Incongruent Body Language:

1. Mistrust: When words don’t match body language, listeners can become sceptical of the speaker's authenticity.
2. Misunderstandings: Mixed signals can lead to misinterpretations, resulting in conflicts or missed opportunities.
3. Reduced Confidence: People unaware of their incongruent body language may find others responding to them unexpectedly. This can undermine their confidence in social or professional settings.
4. Strain in Relationships: Consistent incongruence can strain personal and professional relationships, as it becomes challenging to understand or believe the person's true intentions.

Steps to Convert Incongruent Body Language into Congruent Body Language:

1. Self-awareness: Before making changes, you must understand your habits. Pay attention to your gestures, facial expressions, posture, and tone. Recording yourself or asking others for feedback can offer valuable insights.
2. Understand the Basics of Body Language: Familiarize yourself with common body language cues and their interpretations. This will help you understand which behaviours may be perceived as incongruent.
3. Pause and Breathe: Before speaking, take a moment to breathe and ensure your body is aligned with what you're about to say. This simple pause gives you time to set your posture and facial expression.
4. Practice in Front of a Mirror: Rehearse speeches or conversations while watching your body language in the mirror. Adjust as necessary.
5. Slow Down: Speaking too quickly can lead to incongruence as the body struggles to keep up with the words. Slowing your speech allows more time for your body language to align.
6. Mind Your Facial Expressions: Ensure your facial reactions match your feelings and words. For example, if you're expressing happiness, allow yourself to smile genuinely.
7. Engage Your Whole Body: Body language isn't just about the face. It encompasses gestures, posture, and where and how you stand or sit.
8. Seek Feedback: Ask trusted friends or colleagues to observe your body language and give feedback.
9. Stay Genuine: Instead of putting on a “performance”, try to genuinely feel the emotion you're expressing. This authenticity will naturally reflect incongruent body language.

Illustrations for Better Understanding:

Statement	Congruent Body Language	Incongruent Body Language
I'm so happy!	A wide smile, open posture, bright eyes	Frowning, crossed arms, looking down
I trust you.	Steady eye contact, open palms, leaning forward	Avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, leaning away
I'm not sure.	Furrowed brows, looking away, tilted head	Nodding, thumbs up, direct eye contact
I understand.	Nodding, direct eye contact, attentive posture	Looking distracted, checking the watch, yawning
That's sad.	Downcast eyes, touching heart, frowning	Laughing, smirking, rolling eyes
I'm listening.	Leaning forward, eye contact, nodding	Looking away, checking phone, doodling
It's okay.	Gentle smile, pat on the back, soft voice	Sighing loudly, rolling eyes, tapping foot
I'm angry.	Red face, clenched fists, loud voice	Whispering, smiling, relaxed posture
I'm excited!	Clapping, bouncing on feet, wide-eyed	Slouched posture, yawning, monotone voice
No problem!	Thumbs up, smiling, nodding	Shrugging, looking away, sighing
I believe you.	Direct eye contact, nodding, open palms	Raised eyebrows, smirking, crossed arms
Let's go!	Pointing forward, energetic motion, upbeat tone	Sitting down, yawning, looking disinterested
I'm surprised.	Wide eyes, open mouth, raised eyebrows	Unchanged expression, monotone voice, looking bored
I'm tired.	Yawning, droopy eyes, slouched posture	Standing tall, energetic motion, loud voice
Thank you.	Smile, eye contact, nodding	Ignoring, turning away, monotone voice
That's funny.	Laughing, clapping hands, open posture	Straight face, crossing arms, shaking head
I'm afraid.	Wide eyes, trembling, taking a step back	Smiling, relaxed posture, stepping forward
I don't know.	Shrugging, palms up, looking away	Nodding, thumbs up, direct eye contact
It's hard.	Furrowing brows, deep sigh, shaking head	Laughing, shrugging, looking relaxed
I'm ready.	Standing tall, hands on hips, nodding	Looking away, sitting down, yawning
I agree.	Nodding, thumbs up, smiling	Shaking head, frowning, looking away
I disagree.	Shaking head, crossing arms, frowning	Nodding, smiling, clapping hands
I'm relaxed.	Deep breathing, closed eyes, leaning back	Fidgeting, checking surroundings, fast-talking
That's great!	Clapping, wide smile, thumbs up	Shrugging, monotone voice, looking away
I'm bored.	Yawning, looking around, slouched posture	Engaged listening, nodding, direct eye contact
You're wrong.	Pointing finger, firm voice, frowning	Nodding, smiling, clapping hands
It's cold.	Rubbing hands, shivering, hunched shoulders	Wiping sweat, fanning self, taking off jacket
I'm warm.	Fanning self, wiping sweat, loosening clothing	Shivering, hugging self, putting on jacket
It's interesting.	Leaning in, attentive eyes, nodding	Looking disinterested, yawning, checking the phone
I missed you.	Wide smile, open arms, stepping forward	Avoiding eye contact, turning away, crossing arms
I'm confused.	Scratching head, furrowed brows, looking around	Nodding, smiling, giving thumbs up
I don't care.	Shrugging, looking away, monotone voice	Leaning in, attentive listening, nodding
That's easy.	Relaxed posture, nodding, casual tone	Frowning, sweating, biting nails
I'm hurt.	Touching wounded area, grimacing, teary eyes	Smiling, laughing, looking relaxed
I need help.	Raised hand, looking around, furrowed brows	Standing confidently, hands on hips, nodding
That's unfair.	Pointing finger, raised voice, stamping foot	Shrugging, smiling, looking relaxed
I love it.	Hugging it close, wide smile, shining eyes	Pushing it away, frowning, looking disgusted
It's delicious.	Licking lips, nodding, taking another bite	Spitting it out, grimacing, pushing plate away
I'm full.	Patting stomach, leaning back, sighing contentedly	Taking another bite, asking for more, licking their fingers
I want it.	Pointing at it, wide-eyed, leaning forward	Turning away, shaking head, pushing it away
It's too loud.	Covering ears, grimacing, leaning away	Dancing, clapping hands, smiling
I'm okay.	Thumbs up, smiling, nodding	Crying, grimacing, looking distressed
I'm proud.	Puffed chest, hands on hips, smiling	Looking down, shrugging, wiping away tears
I'm busy.	Checking watch, multi-tasking, hurried voice	Lounging, yawning, looking around
It's valuable.	Handling with care, attentive eyes, and gentle touch	Tossing it around, looking disinterested, carelessly placing it
I'm impressed.	Clapping hands, wide eyes, nodding	Shrugging, looking away, yawning
I'm nervous.	Biting nails, fidgeting, looking around frequently	Sitting relaxed, looking calm, slow breathing

In conclusion, congruent body language is a crucial aspect of effective communication. It reinforces the verbal message, builds trust, and strengthens relationships. Conversely, incongruent body language can lead to confusion, mistrust, and strained relationships. Awareness of body language and striving for congruence can significantly improve interpersonal interactions.